Are German parents more laid-back?

Sand + water = lots of fun

As a mother with a British/Italian background living in Berlin, I often find myself observing and comparing different parenting styles.  When I first started taking my child to the playgrounds in Berlin I was struck by how relaxed some German mothers (and fathers) appeared to be.  They let their children roam free through the playground, while they chatted at the edge of the sandpit and often did not even check on their little ones (or so it seemed at the time).

At the playground with Papa

Once when our son was about a year and a half, my husband* came home from the playground saying that some mothers had actually teased him for being too anxious and following our son wherever he went.  One mother claimed that she only looked up if her children were crying and/or covered in blood, otherwise she would simply let them get on with it.  Another mother also laughed at what she called “the anxious first-time father”.

So are German parents more laid-back? Fast-forward a year or so.  I am at the playground trying my best to adopt the “let your child get on with it” attitude, while chatting with one of these mothers. Suddenly her son starts crying and in a matter of seconds she is by his side, has picked him up and is soothing him.  This is not her first child by the way.  There is no blood in sight; in fact, the child does not seem to be hurt at all.  About 15 minutes later, the same situation is repeated.**

Last summer my child went away for two nights with his Italo-German nursery.  It was the first time my three-year-old had been away from home without his parents or grandparents. Obviously I was anxious and I regularly checked my phone in case of any missed calls or messages, but otherwise I just assumed that things were going well.  Guess who called the holiday resort to check if the children had arrived safely?  No, it was not an Italian mother or father; it was a German parent.  So in my experience German parents may have a more relaxed approach to parenting, but deep down they are just as worried about their kids as everyone else.

*   He has a German passport.

** I would have done the same thing, but I am not the one pretending to be cool and relaxed.